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October 1, 2010; 6:59 AM — This is the exact date and time that I stole this picture. Yes, I stole it. Yes it was stolen because you were not aware that I clicked the shutter button and took a picture of you. Or maybe not. Perhaps, you did know but decided not to say anything anyway. We were in the middle of project-making at that time, you know. We were supposed to take pictures of nature and write a suitable haiku for the best picture that we would be able to take. Remember? Miss H was so enthused about that certain project. Oh those times. I was strolling around the garden of our school, enjoying the smell of the Earth carried by the wind and now and then, taking pictures. Out of nowhere you came up to me and asked how I’m doing. I was surprised and happy (just because you talked to me) and generally not fine (because I was giddy because you actually talked to me). But anyway, I said I was fine. I even showed you some of my shots. And all the time, I was holding back. I fought hard just so my giddiness won’t show that much. You don’t really know what you did to me then. After our ‘small talk’, I proceeded to my work and took pictures again. I was hoping to take a decent picture of a yellow flower, when you showed up again — in front of my camera — and you smiled and posed. You smiled and posed. And you made a funny face, which I presumed means that you are teasing me. I froze. You were teasing me for Merlin’s sake! And you were giggling — goodness you are giggling! Good thing I was able to recover and had the decency to giggle with you and click the shutter button. But then.. you moved away. So what was supposed to be a good shot of you became a very blurred picture. So I deleted it. I actually thought you were going to leave and go to the other parts of the garden, but you didn’t. You didn’t. You stayed. You stayed and in front of me. And you took out your cellphone (which served as your camera) and took a picture of the yellow flower. And I took the opportunity to capture the beautiful moment taking place in front of me. Hence, the picture above. As I said from the beginning, you didn’t know I took a picture of you (I guess). Because right after I took that picture, I bid goodbye and left and went to the other side of the garden. I went happily and with a wide smile. Later that day, you came up to me again and asked if you could see my pictures. I was panicking, you know. What if you see that stolen picture of you? What would you think of me then? I had so much questions, but then a bright idea popped. And you know what happened next. I held my camera and showed you the pictures myself. I showed them myself. You never had the chance to hold the camera and see for yourself because I was holding it. Teehee. And so you never saw your stolen picture. Thank heavens! You did comment on some of my shots and said that they are beautiful. And I just had to give you my sweetest smile and thank you. Well after that you left. You left. I posted this because I miss you

October 1, 2010; 6:59 AM — This is the exact date and time that I stole this picture. Yes, I stole it. Yes it was stolen because you were not aware that I clicked the shutter button and took a picture of you. Or maybe not. Perhaps, you did know but decided not to say anything anyway.

We were in the middle of project-making at that time, you know. We were supposed to take pictures of nature and write a suitable haiku for the best picture that we would be able to take. Remember? Miss H was so enthused about that certain project. Oh those times.

I was strolling around the garden of our school, enjoying the smell of the Earth carried by the wind and now and then, taking pictures. Out of nowhere you came up to me and asked how I’m doing. I was surprised and happy (just because you talked to me) and generally not fine (because I was giddy because you actually talked to me). But anyway, I said I was fine. I even showed you some of my shots. And all the time, I was holding back. I fought hard just so my giddiness won’t show that much. You don’t really know what you did to me then.

After our ‘small talk’, I proceeded to my work and took pictures again. I was hoping to take a decent picture of a yellow flower, when you showed up again — in front of my camera — and you smiled and posed. You smiled and posed. And you made a funny face, which I presumed means that you are teasing me. I froze. You were teasing me for Merlin’s sake! And you were giggling — goodness you are giggling! Good thing I was able to recover and had the decency to giggle with you and click the shutter button. But then.. you moved away. So what was supposed to be a good shot of you became a very blurred picture. So I deleted it. I actually thought you were going to leave and go to the other parts of the garden, but you didn’t. You didn’t. You stayed. You stayed and in front of me. And you took out your cellphone (which served as your camera) and took a picture of the yellow flower. And I took the opportunity to capture the beautiful moment taking place in front of me. Hence, the picture above.

As I said from the beginning, you didn’t know I took a picture of you (I guess). Because right after I took that picture, I bid goodbye and left and went to the other side of the garden. I went happily and with a wide smile.

Later that day, you came up to me again and asked if you could see my pictures. I was panicking, you know. What if you see that stolen picture of you? What would you think of me then? I had so much questions, but then a bright idea popped. And you know what happened next. I held my camera and showed you the pictures myself. I showed them myself. You never had the chance to hold the camera and see for yourself because I was holding it. Teehee. And so you never saw your stolen picture. Thank heavens! You did comment on some of my shots and said that they are beautiful. And I just had to give you my sweetest smile and thank you. Well after that you left.

You left.

I posted this because I miss you

We’ll be saying goodbye soon.

We’ll be saying goodbye soon.

I have the tendency to escape my feelings. Heaven knows how many times I ran away. Many times I did, I was successful. The last time I did, I was successful.

But not now. I can’t escape now. I can’t escape you.

554 words from me which will never be seen by you.

Dear you,

You must be wondering why you received this letter. Or probably not. But either way, the reason you received this is because I want to say goodbye (and also to tell you why I still cannot tell you who I am and why it took so long for me to write another creepy and annoying letter like this to you).

Here I go.

I can’t tell you who I am because I am a coward. I can’t take the risk and tell you that I like you so so much. I am weak and not good enough, which is why my feelings for you will remain in letters and words that will probably never be said out loud. I am someone so afraid of the unknown. And I don’t know how you feel about me and I am afraid to know about that. I’m scared to death (just like the song).

It took so long for me to write a letter for the same reason — I’m afraid. After learning about your reaction when you received the stupid love letter (which by the way has grammatical errors), and that mixed tape (which I realized, contains cheesy and boring songs), I got scared even more. It (id est., your reaction) clearly shows how much you don’t care. But I somehow understand. Who would be delighted to receive an anonymous and creepy gift like that anyway? Not me, certainly. And not you too, I guess. And so I resolved not to write to you anymore.

But in the end, I did. I had to. Why?

I wrote this letter so I can get the closure I need. After all, one can’t start over without getting a closure. So here’s mine. My closure. Just so I can end my one-sided love story - My unrequited love. Just so I can start all over again.

Marie Digby said that the proper thing to do is to act like a lady and wait for you (to make the first move). But I know full well that I’m waiting for nothing. So I’m saying this now with all the courage I can muster. The thing is, I really really really like you. The word count of this letter is 554. And that huge amount of number is still not enough to tell you how much I really really really like you. I might be even falling in love with you. Might. I know this sounds ridiculous (and creepy). But I do like you. With all my heart.

I tried so many times to forget about you because it’s getting lonelier and lonelier every time I realize that you’ll never like me back. I never once succeeded. I realized I can never really escape you. I cannot really just desert my feelings for you. I had to do something risky. Something liberating. Something that will set my feelings free.

And that something is this letter.

So there.

It feels great to let that out.

Well. This ends here. And although we both know that my feelings for you will not officially and immediately end here, let us hope that I’ll forget about you soon (and that you’ll forget about me — the creepy anonymous girl who sent you two love letters and a mixed tape -- too).

Farewell.

Always,
Me

Your beautiful eyes stare right into mine.

Your beautiful eyes stare right into mine.

I give up — even if you’re not asking me to.

I learned that there’s no point fighting you. You have greater chances of winning anyway. And anyway, this is not a game. So there’s really no point. But I have to admit that it’s very hard to accept defeat. I have gone this far, and to just quit and give up is not an easy thing to do. But what can I do? You’re one hell of a competition. You’re smarter, nicer, friendlier and a lot closer to him. I’m not even a fraction of who you are. I feel small and helpless.

Sighs. I don’t even know why I’m making this lame post. But honestly, I just feel sad. And heartbroken. I don’t want to let go, okay? I don’t even want to quit. There, that’s the truth. I don’t ever want to give up. But as much as I don’t want to give up, I don’t want to hurt anyone either. Not especially a friend. I don’t specifically want to get in the way of someone’s happiness, even if getting in the way means getting my own happiness. I don’t know if that made sense, but the point is, I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to claim something as mine even if I’ve liked, admired, loved and cherished it for so long. And this may seem to be contradicting the last two statements that I just said but I don’t really like someone else liking that something that I like, admire, love and cherish. So in the end, even if I don’t want to, I give up.

Temptation at its finest.

I can’t control myself. Why is it that every time I try to turn away, I just see myself coming closer to him? What is wrong with me?

I know what I promised myself. And I promised to not check up on him or anything. I promised not to care about him. I promised to shrug away every thought I have of him. I freaking promised. But tonight.. I’m at the edge of breaking that promise. But I hope I won’t give in. Because if I do, I wouldn’t be fooling the world anymore.

I’d be fooling myself.

I hope it’s nice where you are.

I hope it’s nice where you are.

I just don’t get why you have to keep it hidden from me. It’s not like I’ll curse or strangle you for feeling that way. I’m not that mean, you know. And besides.. I don’t really have the right to do anything at all. I’m as.. powerless as you are.